Skuff Posted February 19, 2006 Report Share Posted February 19, 2006 (edited) I have a(rock) band , and I need some help with this one song: THIN LINE (Skufca) All that's keeping me from the world is a Thin Line. All that's keeping me from what's mine is a Thin Line All that's keeping me from what's inclined is a Thin Line (Guitar Solo) All That's keeping me from escaping is a Thin Line All That's Protetcing me is a, is a, is a, THIN LINE! What do ya think? Edited February 19, 2006 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blind-fitter Posted February 19, 2006 Report Share Posted February 19, 2006 You taking the pi**? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiggsUK Posted February 20, 2006 Report Share Posted February 20, 2006 Methinks said geezer alludes to Columbian marching powders... Or he could just be pulling your wire... Regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenacious_Peaches Posted February 20, 2006 Report Share Posted February 20, 2006 I think our young friend JonnyBoy is being sincere in asking for opinions. It's a difficult thing to put your work out there for all to see and to ask for constructive criticism. He trusted us with his words...let's give him enough respect not to make a mockery of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad_M Posted February 20, 2006 Report Share Posted February 20, 2006 Isn't that what constructive criticism is about? (promoting improvement or development). If we only post praise and no one criticizes, then it only shows one view on a subject and therefore does not promote improvement or development but deceives the writer into thinking that everyone thinks it's great and therefore needs no improvement. I guess their way of saying they didn't enjoy it was a little off-centered, but opinions from both sides should be welcome and expected if you are going to post your original works. When I was growing up, criticism was part of a learning experience and we dealt with it. Today's youth and adults should expect the same, whether it be good or bad. Why do you think so many bad singers try out for American Idol each year? Because friends and family give them nothing but high hopes and no one tells it like it is, so they make a fool of themselves on national television. I wish I had friends like that. NOT! P.S. I noticed you didn't share your opinion of the song, Peaches. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edna Posted February 20, 2006 Report Share Posted February 20, 2006 Oh, well, I like it... it might have a good music and be a funny start. Now, stone me... Jonny, keep on writing and insist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blind-fitter Posted February 20, 2006 Report Share Posted February 20, 2006 You taking the pi**? I think our young friend JonnyBoy is being sincere in asking for opinions. It's a difficult thing to put your work out there for all to see and to ask for constructive criticism. He trusted us with his words...let's give him enough respect not to make a mockery of them. You misconstrue my motivation for asking, my sweet. Forgive me... I'm socially inept. The last time I embroiled myself in critiquing someone's "work", I assumed, (quite reasonably I thought, under the circumstances) that their lyric was a work of satire. I responded accordingly,with regrettable consequences. With my question here, I was merely attempting to ascertain the lie-of-the land. "Once bitten, twice shy" and all that... As Edna points out: the song itself may be utterly fantastic, a classic-in-the-making to rival The Ramones at their finest. There's no reason why it shouldn't be, but it's hard to say since I can't hear the music. I'm not sure Jonny's lyrics need to withstand critical appraisal. The bottom line is: if he likes them , and they mean something to him, he should stick with them. Otherwise, I'm not sure there's a great deal the likes of us can add... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenacious_Peaches Posted February 20, 2006 Report Share Posted February 20, 2006 I wasn't saying that we shouldn't give him constructive criticism about his song. I just meant we didn't have to be mean about it. And bless you, b-f, I love you and your sharp wit. I'm just under the impression that JonnyBoy is very young and maybe not aware of how much we joke around here. I didn't want his feelings to get hurt. Again, tell him what you honestly think. Maybe it was just a hormonal spike, but I felt a little motherly. I'm on my hands and knees, begging for forgiveness. I think the song is just fine. Like b-f said, without a description of the music, it's hard to say. But it could be one rocking punk song. I like the lyrics and the way "the thin line" can mean different things. Songs don't have to have long, drawn out lyrics...brevity can be a good thing. And hey, Brad... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blind-fitter Posted February 20, 2006 Report Share Posted February 20, 2006 ...bless you, b-f, I love you and ... ...I'm on my hands and knees, begging ... T-P: Stuff like this is not helping me get any work done.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenacious_Peaches Posted February 20, 2006 Report Share Posted February 20, 2006 Simmer down, b-f. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawna Posted February 20, 2006 Report Share Posted February 20, 2006 The bottom line is: if he likes them , and they mean something to him, he should stick with them. Otherwise, I'm not sure there's a great deal the likes of us can add... Amen. It took me years to figure this out. Now I write until I'm happy with what I've got, and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. My sister is forever telling me that she can't understand a word of what I say in my poems... but hey, if I can get something out of my system and create something (I feel is) beautiful in the process, then I'm good with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Levis Posted February 21, 2006 Report Share Posted February 21, 2006 It makes me think of Mr. McCartney's song'Fine Line'... could that be an influence? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skuff Posted February 21, 2006 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2006 It makes me think of Mr. McCartney's song'Fine Line'... could that be an influence? Kinda, I thought of it while riding the school bus, I thought "Hey, this window's a Thin Line, isn't it? If I could break through, I'd be free!" And I wrote it at school! I didn't even know about Fine Line! Fine Line's an AWESOME song! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Laurie_ Posted February 21, 2006 Report Share Posted February 21, 2006 Johnny, you have good qualities for writing songs...thinking of your real life experiences and then putting it in a song is how most songs are developed...but only you know what your feelings are, so it's hard for us to judge....we can see the lyrics, but it's hard to judge when you don't know what the music sounds like to it....by the style of it, it does sound like it would be a good hard rock or punk like tune...let us know when you finish it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel2Velvet Posted February 25, 2006 Report Share Posted February 25, 2006 Upon first reading, I thought the lyrics perhaps alluded to a razor blade. After reading the opinions of others, I realize there could be many interpretations here, and that helps to form a layered song of interest and controversy. Keep working to improve your craft, John. Never be satisfied nor deterred. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Levis Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 Many interpretations are a good thing! More people will buy it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blind-fitter Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 As I think I said right at the beginning, this is actually quite a profound piece of writing, open to all manner of diverse interpretations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skuff Posted March 16, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2006 I finished it, and I can't find the paper!! (first time I used that smilie!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Laurie_ Posted March 17, 2006 Report Share Posted March 17, 2006 did your dog eat it JonnyBoy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skuff Posted March 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2006 Laurie, I don't have a dog! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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