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Help with a rock song

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I have a(rock) band , and I need some help with this one song:

THIN LINE

(Skufca)

All that's keeping me from the world is a Thin Line.

All that's keeping me from what's mine is a Thin Line

All that's keeping me from what's inclined is a Thin Line

(Guitar Solo)

All That's keeping me from escaping is a Thin Line

All That's Protetcing me is a, is a, is a, THIN LINE!

What do ya think?

Edited by Guest

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I think our young friend JonnyBoy is being sincere in asking for opinions. It's a difficult thing to put your work out there for all to see and to ask for constructive criticism. He trusted us with his words...let's give him enough respect not to make a mockery of them. :thumbsup:

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Isn't that what constructive criticism is about?

(promoting improvement or development).

If we only post praise and no one criticizes, then it only shows one view on a subject and therefore does not promote improvement or development but deceives the writer into thinking that everyone thinks it's great and therefore needs no improvement.

I guess their way of saying they didn't enjoy it was a little off-centered, but opinions from both sides should be welcome and expected if you are going to post your original works.

When I was growing up, criticism was part of a learning experience and we dealt with it. Today's youth and adults should expect the same, whether it be good or bad.

Why do you think so many bad singers try out for American Idol each year?

Because friends and family give them nothing but high hopes and no one tells it like it is, so they make a fool of themselves on national television.

I wish I had friends like that.

NOT!

P.S.

I noticed you didn't share your opinion of the song, Peaches. :laughing:

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You taking the pi**? :confused:

I think our young friend JonnyBoy is being sincere in asking for opinions. It's a difficult thing to put your work out there for all to see and to ask for constructive criticism. He trusted us with his words...let's give him enough respect not to make a mockery of them. :thumbsup:

You misconstrue my motivation for asking, my sweet. Forgive me... I'm socially inept. :blush:

The last time I embroiled myself in critiquing someone's "work", I assumed, (quite reasonably I thought, under the circumstances) that their lyric was a work of satire. I responded accordingly,with regrettable consequences. :doh: :blush:

With my question here, I was merely attempting to ascertain the lie-of-the land. :angel: "Once bitten, twice shy" and all that...

As Edna points out: the song itself may be utterly fantastic, a classic-in-the-making to rival The Ramones at their finest. There's no reason why it shouldn't be, but it's hard to say since I can't hear the music.

I'm not sure Jonny's lyrics need to withstand critical appraisal. The bottom line is: if he likes them , and they mean something to him, he should stick with them. Otherwise, I'm not sure there's a great deal the likes of us can add...

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I wasn't saying that we shouldn't give him constructive criticism about his song. I just meant we didn't have to be mean about it. And bless you, b-f, I love you and your sharp wit. I'm just under the impression that JonnyBoy is very young and maybe not aware of how much we joke around here. I didn't want his feelings to get hurt.

Again, tell him what you honestly think. Maybe it was just a hormonal spike, but I felt a little motherly. I'm on my hands and knees, begging for forgiveness.

I think the song is just fine. Like b-f said, without a description of the music, it's hard to say. But it could be one rocking punk song. I like the lyrics and the way "the thin line" can mean different things. Songs don't have to have long, drawn out lyrics...brevity can be a good thing.

And hey, Brad...:neener: :laughing:

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The bottom line is: if he likes them , and they mean something to him, he should stick with them. Otherwise, I'm not sure there's a great deal the likes of us can add...

Amen. It took me years to figure this out. Now I write until I'm happy with what I've got, and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. My sister is forever telling me that she can't understand a word of what I say in my poems... but hey, if I can get something out of my system and create something (I feel is) beautiful in the process, then I'm good with it.

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It makes me think of Mr. McCartney's song'Fine Line'... could that be an influence?

Kinda, I thought of it while riding the school bus, I thought "Hey, this window's a Thin Line, isn't it? If I could break through, I'd be free!"

And I wrote it at school! I didn't even know about Fine Line! Fine Line's an AWESOME song!

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Johnny, you have good qualities for writing songs...thinking of your real life experiences and then putting it in a song is how most songs are developed...but only you know what your feelings are, so it's hard for us to judge....we can see the lyrics, but it's hard to judge when you don't know what the music sounds like to it....by the style of it, it does sound like it would be a good hard rock or punk like tune...let us know when you finish it... :thumbsup:

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Upon first reading, I thought the lyrics perhaps alluded to a razor blade. After reading the opinions of others, I realize there could be many interpretations here, and that helps to form a layered song of interest and controversy. Keep working to improve your craft, John. Never be satisfied nor deterred.

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