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lostxinxyou17

Marriage

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There was a question the other day in one of my classes that came up. My teacher asked almost everyone in the class what we thought the ideal role of the women should be in a marriage. Some guys said that the girl should be independant but others said that they should cook, clean, do dishes, make the bed, make their breakfast, wait on them hand and foot basicallly. I don't really know what the ideal role would be... i said that the women should work... but not be the one bringing home all the money. I know that some girld are independant but also dependant at the same time... like when dealing with money, it's their cup of tea but when they are sick the want to be held and taken care of... some girls want to be left alone when they are sick... i want to be held and taken care of... i dont' want him to leave my side. I'm more of a dependant girl than independant. Anyways, what kind of person are you...guys and girls, dependant or independant and what do you think the "ideal role" of a women is??

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loaded question there! Of course teenage guys would say that their wife should wait on them hand and foot. That meat-head mentality dates back to the troglodytes.

The most successful and happy marriages I've ever witnessed is when there is even dividing of the responsibilities/chores. When the husband works outside of the house, but also pitches in to help with the housework. When the wife works outside the house, and is responsible for only half of the housework.

Unfortunately, in all the studies I've read, to this day it's still considered "the woman's job" to take care of 100% of the housework AND the kids, AND have a full-time job, while the man pulls down an 8-5 and comes home to a prepared meal and TV or a book. Which is nowhere near fair. Now, if she didn't have to have the outside job, then yes, she would be able to take care of the housework and the kids, and have a 3-course meal waiting for him when he comes hom from a "hard day at the office." But those days are long gone.

As far as you being dependent because you want to be taken care of when you're sick, I submit to you that men are the worst at that. Men (in my experience) are absolute babies when they get a little sniffle. But yes, I'm a nurturing personality so I will take care of someone when they're sick. And I also like to be taken care of when I'm sick, but that does not make me "dependent." I am highly independent, a fact I proved to myself when I survived 10 years as a single mother (pre-Brad).

So give yourself more credit! :grin:

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I don't have any preconceived ideas about the "role" of my wife. All I want for her to do are things that make her happy, fulfilled and inspired. Cooking, cleaning, etc., are just tasks that need to be done, and hopefully they're done with an equal amount of effort by both parties.

There is no sense turning menial tasks into a lifestyle, as nobody will be happy that way. If my wife is doing things she wants to do that will make me happy. And she feels the same way. We do have a young daughter, but neither of us looks at raising her as a chore. It's more of a beautiful experience, and I'd kill myself if I wasn't involved in it.

We both work full-time, but we have a standing agreement that if one of us ever made enough the other one could retire. A job is nothing more than a means to an end, and we don't get too wrapped up in it.

So I guess my bottom line is that I just want her to live her life in the best way for her, and everything else will fall into place.

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Personally, I don't mind doing the cooking, in fac i prefer it that way, as long as i know that if i am tired or lazy or whatever, my boyfriend will take ove. same goes with the cleaning, i assume that if we lived together, he would help me out, like he does on occasion, as long as i tell him what to do. and he would definitely do the ironing, because i am terrible at it!

i want to be independent, i've always been like this, even with my parents. i have friends who take loads of laundry home,e xpect their moms to cook loads of food for them to take back to the uk etc etc. i am not like that, not at all. in fact , i even hate asking for money, so i assume that i wouldn't be able to live off my husband's money ever!

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I think everyone makes their own path in life and should not be governed by stereotyopes or popular culture, as with everything else :)

That´s exactly what I believe.

But women would rather not be sick... otherwise the house would be a mess... men don´t feel that bad when the ashtrays are not empty, bed is undone or dishes are in the sink :P And we always make sure there is milk, coffee, butter, bills are payed, remember datelines, etc.

I have lived all kind of situations and though I´m happily maried I loved those good old days when I was single... :laughing:

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Wow...great topic! Well I have been married twice...first husband was a control freak and I did everything he said so I wouldn't get beat. Second husband the complete opposite, he let me do whatever I wanted and never cared. So now being divorced I can look at what being a woman in a relationship means. For me it is being part of a partnership. No boss, just two people working together to make something wonderful. I believe that a woman should be able to have a career, children, friends, and she can still be a wonderful wife. I am very independent now and the thought of anyone trying to change that, well...they better duck for cover! If in a marriage the communication lines are flowing I think all will be good. No one person is better than the other because of their gender.

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Ok here is an interesting take on "marriage"!

NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) - Having a pseudo-wife or pseudo-husband at work may not only make you happier with your job but may even improve your chances for promotions and raises, according to a report Friday.

Non-romantic "marriages" in the workplace are the newest craze in office romance, the New York Post said, citing a survey by Vault Inc., a career research and consulting company.

Having a support system could lead to better performance reviews and advancement, the survey said.

The firm's national survey of workplace romance said workplace "spousing" has surged in the last year, in part because it offers immediate intimacy without the sex or commitment.

"It's a wonderful support system among workers, and makes a more productive worker," Mark Oldman, co-founder of Vault, told the paper.

According to the study, 32 percent of office workers said they have an office "spouse," with many having more than one.

"They have a big attraction -- there are no strings attached, and if doesn't work out, you go pick out another office 'spouse,' and no divorce is necessary," Oldman told the paper.

There are many emotional benefits of close workplace relationships modeled after a marriage, the study said. "The 'office spouses' can be more open with each other than they can with their own spouses, and there's no guilt involved," Oldman told the paper.

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I don't think dependence or independence is determined by gender. There are times when all of us need extra attention.

As for a woman's role in a marriage. I believe a marriage is a partnership. Communication and teamwork are very important. I do the bulk of the housework, but I think it's because I notice the mess more than my husband does. However, whenever we are entertaining, he helps a lot and volunteers to clean the bathrooms! Also, I hate to iron, so we each do our own.

I also spend more time with our daughter, but my husband often gives me breaks to get my hair cut, go to girls night out, etc. If we have to take time off work to stay with her when she's sick or otherwise can't go to daycare, we take turns.

My biggest obstacle is that I tend to not ask for help when I need it. I am working on this, so when I need a break or I need my husband to do something around the house, I will ask.

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One of my thoughts on this topic was written a couple of years ago. Upon reading this, keep in mind it places as much responsibility on one as on the other. Neither activity is easy....

She boosts her man up

In every way she can

He reaches back to her

Lifting his woman up

With all his strength.

Day after day ...

Again and again ...

Higher and higher ...

Until together they stand

Upon the summit of life.

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I'm sure paul has already posted all over this place about our engagement!! :D But i'm sure he didn't tell you guys EXACTLY how it happend......

Last night i was feeling like crap. Paul walks into my room and tells me that i needed to go outside and get some fresh air because i'd been in bed all day. He told me that there was something in his car and for those of you who don't know... i LOVE frogs and baby HIPPOS. Anywho, i open his car door and there are 3 frogs sitting there and all of them say i love you in some way wether they are holding little hearts of they have it written on their tummys or whatever. I was freaking out because they were so cute and in one of the frog's lap was the ring case... i turned around to give him a hug and he is already on one knee. He says "I think i already know the answer, but will you marry me?" and i cried... yes, but i didn't bawl my eyes out. I was kind of expecting it but not really. I couldn't of asked for a better way. It was different and REALLY sweet. I loved it... i love him. So there it is.... February 5, 2006 9:39 p.m. Brittany and Paul always and forever

Edited by Guest

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