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Strange, Weird and Wacky!


Sweet Jane 61

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Jane, change the bed linens in the spare room, honey, because I am booking a flight to Ohio. You and I have to go to the Testicle Festival together! :laughing:

Peachy...come on up!! It is usually held in April sometime. We are even thinking of doing a live remote here at the station and have someone from work eat some yummy testicles!! And no it will not be me....eeeewwwwwwwww!!

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The 2006 True Stella Awards Winners

by Randy Cassingham

Issued 31 January 2007

#5: Marcy Meckler. While shopping at a mall, Meckler stepped outside and was "attacked" by a squirrel that lived among the trees and bushes. And "while frantically attempting to escape from the squirrel and detach it from her leg, [Meckler] fell and suffered severe injuries," her resulting lawsuit says. That's the mall's fault, the lawsuit claims, demanding in excess of $50,000, based on the mall's "failure to warn" her that squirrels live outside.

#4: Ron and Kristie Simmons. The couple's 4-year-old son, Justin, was killed in a tragic lawnmower accident in a licensed daycare facility, and the death was clearly the result of negligence by the daycare providers. The providers were clearly deserving of being sued, yet when the Simmons's discovered the daycare only had $100,000 in insurance, they dropped the case against them and instead sued the manufacturer of the 16-year-old lawn mower because the mower didn't have a safety device that 1) had not been invented at the time of the mower's manufacture, and 2) no safety agency had even suggested needed to be invented. A sympathetic jury still awarded the family $2 million.

#3: Robert Clymer. An FBI agent working a high-profile case in Las Vegas, Clymer allegedly created a disturbance, lost the magazine from his pistol, then crashed his pickup truck in a drunken stupor -- his blood-alcohol level was 0.306 percent, more than three times the legal limit for driving in Nevada. He pled guilty to drunk driving because, his lawyer explained, "With public officials, we expect them to own up to their mistakes and correct them." Yet Clymer had the gall to sue the manufacturer of his pickup truck, and the dealer he bought it from, because he "somehow lost consciousness" and the truck "somehow produced a heavy smoke that filled the passenger cab." Yep: the drunk-driving accident wasn't his fault, but the truck's fault. Just the kind of guy you want carrying a gun in the name of the law.

#2: KinderStart.com. The specialty search engine says Google should be forced to include the KinderStart site in its listings, reveal how its "Page Rank" system works, and pay them lots of money because they're a competitor. They claim by not being ranked higher in Google, Google is somehow infringing KinderStart's Constitutional right to free speech. Even if by some stretch they were a competitor of Google, why in the world would they think it's Google's responsibility to help them succeed? And if Google's "review" of their site is negative, wouldn't a government court order forcing them to change it infringe on Google's Constitutional right to free speech?

And the winner of the 2006 True Stella Award: Allen Ray Heckard. Even though Heckard is 3 inches shorter, 25 pounds lighter, and 8 years older than former basketball star Michael Jordan, the Portland, Oregon, man says he looks a lot like Jordan, and is often confused for him -- and thus he deserves $52 million "for defamation and permanent injury" -- plus $364 million in "punitive damage for emotional pain and suffering", plus the SAME amount from Nike co-founder Phil Knight, for a grand total of $832 million. He dropped the suit after Nike's lawyers chatted with him, where they presumably explained how they'd counter-sue if he pressed on.

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Rogue squirrel forces down plane

[smaller]Thursday, February 15, 2007[/smaller]

squirrelst140806175x125if8.jpg

[smaller]Oh, furry furry demon[/smaller]

The squirrels have returned.

Just when the squirrel menace looked like it might have faded away, an American Airlines flight from Tokyo has been forced to make an emergency landing in Honolulu because a rogue squirrel had managed to sneak on board.

The squirrel emergency was discovered when, on the flight from Tokyo to Dallas, the pilots heard what has been described as a 'skittering'noise in the space above the cockpit.

Subsequent investigations revealed that the noise was caused by an insurgent squirrel that had somehow managed to board the flight.

The plane was forced to make a quick landing in Honolulu, Hawaii, as the pilots were worried that the squirrel could severely damage the plane by chewing through wiring.

The passengers were taken off the plane when it landed, and were forced to spend the night in hotels while wildlife officials hunted down the squirrel. Eventually, they caught it, and – fearing it might have rabies – killed it.

Nobody knows how the squirrel got on the plane.

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