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Tell someone they are an idiot without saying it


lostxinxyou17

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"as crazy as a sh*t house rat"

My favourite phrase so far...

For the concept of "stoopid", I'm afraid that in our household, we don't use anything wittier than "thick as pig-sh!t" or its briefer but often more tongue-twisting alternative "pig-sh!t thick".

I have heard "as thick as a Welshman's c0ck" for someone who is both short and stupid, but it's not a phrase I've actually used in polite conversation....

For crazy, it would tend to be the fairly inane "Mad as a box of frogs"

Pretty dull all round...

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A few more we use:

As much use as a fart in a colander

As bent as a butchers hook

As baffled as Adam on Mothers Day

So useless he couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery

As useful as a Condom machine in the Vatican

As innocent as a Nun doing pressups in a Cucumber field

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As much use as a fart in a colander

Oh yes, I use that one alot....I've always assumed that would be a "northern" saying...

Thinking about it a bit more, I also say...

he's about as much use as a crack in a glass eye,

or,....about as much use as a chocolate tea-cosy

and "you're like a fart in a trance".

Another commonplace- but not particularly amusing- euphemism for "lacking intelligence" is "not the full shilling"

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We say 'as cunning as a sh*thouse rat'.

A few kangaroos loose in the top paddock

Not the full quid

A few snags short of a barbecue

Sharp as a marble

A six pack short of a slab

A few sandwiches short of a picnic

Couldn't find their way out of a wet paper bag

Couldn't organise a shag in brothel with a fist full of $50 notes

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