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Cult Following


EagleEye0
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Cult Following

Will follow music without a Melody

And a face without a voice

An eternal pill of ecstasy

For a distraught People

Engenders despairing frews

Shuffling, conversing amongst themselves

Searching for a tastier stew

That brings something to delve

Follow You Follow Me

Is the slogan of our plea

To enter with uncertainty

And exit the pack with glee

The music sounds better than before

The songs were twice as long

And they meant something more

Contemplated the Message

Withdrawn from the throng

To act so Wilde

Is to mute the song

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Okay, it makes sense and all, but I dunno I guess this really isn't my cup o' tea, I prefer lyrics and poetry to use smaller ideas and simple words to create a bigger idea, 'cuz to me when the big and complicated words are used to describe the big and complicated idea, it just seems kind of overblown and pompous. I guess thats why I like post-punk.

anyway, for the style that you're writing it seems very well-done.

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Okay, it makes sense and all, but I dunno I guess this really isn't my cup o' tea, I prefer lyrics and poetry to use smaller ideas and simple words to create a bigger idea, 'cuz to me when the big and complicated words are used to describe the big and complicated idea, it just seems kind of overblown and pompous. I guess thats why I like post-punk.

anyway, for the style that you're writing it seems very well-done.

That's why I love Roger Waters' lyricry. "Dragging behind you the silent reproach of a million tearstained eyes. Such a small, simple sentence that perfectly describes a whole array of emotions.
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Eagle Eye, I don't know how long you have been writing and to what degree you have evolved your craft, but my instincts tell me you are young and inexperienced as a writer. Which is good, in that you have a lot of time for growth. The downside is that many a young writer want acknowledgement for their genius now, without establishing a base of sound writing principles or building a simplistic portfolio that naturally evolves to heights of complexity. You're like the person who thoroughly checked off a list while packing their bags for a journey but didn't bother to get a map. Everything is in there, but without the proper first turns, you'll never get to your destination to unpack all the goodies.

I read all three of your poems and hear the voice of one wanting to be heard. But neither the length of your words nor the volume nor the couched hidden meanings nor the stylizings nor the hip-hop/rebop will speak to any reader half as clearly as just putting down the real feelings inside your heart in a clear and concise manner (with attention to grammatic detail.) This is the basis for every author I have ever read. Style development needs a foundational beginning, self-educating growth time and then a gestation period through which emerges a form of communication that is comfortable to the reader because it is comfortable and natural for the author. If you read some of the young honest authors here on this site, you will see there is no profundity in intent, only the wistful longing voice of one seeking understanding of their feelings and emotions. This is the real beginnings of poetry, not shaky emulation of a form one heard somewhere and says, "I can do that!" Honest searching is what people relate to from a young writer. Only after much struggle and years of paying dues (or the immediate true gift of genius like Dylan or Shakespeare) can you hope to touch hearts with answers; and even then they must be answers as conclusions made by your reader through the subtle and thoughtfully crafted rhetoric by which you guide them. No one wants to be told what to think. Nor does a reader want the author to look down on them from some high hill and shout down, "What? Are you too stupid to fugure out what I meant?"

Give me a page from your journal. Write to me the way you write to yourself.

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Those are wise words for any "aspiring" writer. S2V has an amazing talent which we have the privilege of viewing in this forum on a regular basis.

No reader wants to be told what they are supposed to "get" from prose, if it isn't clear - it is not the reader who has failed his task, but the writer who has not emoted his words in an understandable way.

Keep writing, go with your gut - if it rhymes or sounds intelligent but adds nothing to the tale, cut it out. Read, re-read all your work, take a few days off and come back to it. Does it still ring true after some time? If you're not sure - you can't expect others to see it clearly either.

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Good point Chris, Pink Floyd was amazing when it came to using simple imagery to descibe big things

"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl"

Yeah, or in the last 2 lines of "Seamus" (from the album "Meddle"). The last two lines really change the entire mood of the song.

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