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marko90

ONLY YOU (Part 2)

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Well, this one was orginally a song, but I've turned it into a poem...tell me what you think please!!

ONLY YOU

[Verse 1]

Sitting here with precious moments passing by,

Like a cool, gentle ocean breeze

I watch you sleep, not caring for anything

Only you, you look so beautiful

Too angelic for words, I am captivated by you

[Verse 2]

When I have you in my arms

Intangibility seems to fill the air

Every hug I wish would last a lifetime

Every touch I wish would never fade

[Verse 3]

Before I see you my stomach,

It fills with butterflies

My nerves seem to work overtime

But once I see you happiness overwhelms,

The world disappears so I am left alone with yo

[Verse 4]

I stand here before you looking into your eyes,

With these ferocious fears filling my heart,

Inside I coward in fear and my raw emotion steers,

And once I am next to you I float up to cloud nine

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I like a good love poem, perhaps more than most folks. Nothing sappy about real love. These are tenderly written, emotionally charged, from-the-heart verses, Marko.

I think you could stand a rewrite for this line:

"Before I see you my stomach,"

That one and the next line are pretty awkward. I understand you are saying that you get butterflies in anticipation of seeing this woman, but there has to be a few better ways to express it. Also the word is "cower", not "coward."

"I watch you sleep, not caring for anything

Only you, you look so beautiful"

These are great, softly powerful lines! Well done, Marko.

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