marko90 Posted May 4, 2005 Report Share Posted May 4, 2005 Well, this one was orginally a song, but I've turned it into a poem...tell me what you think please!! ONLY YOU [Verse 1] Sitting here with precious moments passing by, Like a cool, gentle ocean breeze I watch you sleep, not caring for anything Only you, you look so beautiful Too angelic for words, I am captivated by you [Verse 2] When I have you in my arms Intangibility seems to fill the air Every hug I wish would last a lifetime Every touch I wish would never fade [Verse 3] Before I see you my stomach, It fills with butterflies My nerves seem to work overtime But once I see you happiness overwhelms, The world disappears so I am left alone with yo [Verse 4] I stand here before you looking into your eyes, With these ferocious fears filling my heart, Inside I coward in fear and my raw emotion steers, And once I am next to you I float up to cloud nine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foxy Posted May 5, 2005 Report Share Posted May 5, 2005 Thats really lovely Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel2Velvet Posted May 5, 2005 Report Share Posted May 5, 2005 I like a good love poem, perhaps more than most folks. Nothing sappy about real love. These are tenderly written, emotionally charged, from-the-heart verses, Marko. I think you could stand a rewrite for this line: "Before I see you my stomach," That one and the next line are pretty awkward. I understand you are saying that you get butterflies in anticipation of seeing this woman, but there has to be a few better ways to express it. Also the word is "cower", not "coward." "I watch you sleep, not caring for anything Only you, you look so beautiful" These are great, softly powerful lines! Well done, Marko. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marko90 Posted May 6, 2005 Author Report Share Posted May 6, 2005 Thanks man, and I will look into changing them and maybe post a revised copy here soon...we'll just have to see how things go... :guitar: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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