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When I look at the World.


Karhul
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When I look at the World

When I look at the world, I see beauty so true.

Vast seas of green, vast fields of blue.

I hear the roaring thunder, I hear the big winds blow.

I watch the fish swimming, I see the animals grow.

I hear the patter of rain, outside in the grass.

I watch the leaves blowing, when autumn does last.

I see the snow fall down, freezing the air.

I hear the gale winds howling, making trees bare.

I see the flowers bloom, rise up from the ground.

I watch them wave in the wind, getting blown around.

I feel the sun shining, down upon my face.

I hear the birds chirping, flying with haste.

I see the stars at night, I see the moon in the sky.

I watch them all move, as each day goes by.

And I think to myself,

God has created a beautiful world.

© Andrew Carroll, 26/2/05.

Give me feedback and tell me what you think please.

It's my latest creation.

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Simple in that there is no hidden imagery, or deep/deceptive ambiguity. It says what it is, and what it is is sweet :)

I didn't know what ambiguity is, so I looked at an online dictionary.

Doubtfulness or uncertainty as regards interpretation: ?leading a life of alleged moral ambiguity?.

Something of doubtful meaning: a poem full of ambiguities.

Thanks again!!!.

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It doesn't give you anything really to think about, and I think it could be a bit more descriptive in each line, to create more imagery, other than that it's nice.

With poems like your's it's nice to be able to paint a picture in your head of the scent or colour of the flowers, how the snow looks, how bright the stars are etc... just simple things really and probably only a few adjectives or adverbs here and there :)

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It doesn't give you anything really to think about.

How does it not do that?. It makes me think about the world we live in, it's not just stuff put together for no reason, I wrote it for a reason, and that was to show the beauty of the world. Your more into sad, angry and modern poems, so I understand why you don't like it as much as other poems here.

And if I'm wrong, don't go mad posting ?R@P like I did before please.

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Andrew, Because you make your honest heart available for others to investigate by writing a poem and posting it, you must be prepared for someone's honest response without becoming defensive. "When I look at the World" is an excellent example of someone desiring to outline, in rythmic cadence, their innermost feelings on paper, which is what a poet does. As for comments from your readers, they have the right to embrace your thoughts, reject your thoughts or just offer their honest ideas to you with the intention of helping you relate to a broader reading audience in developing your style. Use this information, do not reject it. I feel you are a young writer with budding talent, not a literary giant. But ALL literary giants started as a budding talent. Take the feedback here and be thankful for it and do not denigrate it. Afterall, no one had to take their valuable time to reply in response to your writing, but your writing DID elict their responses. THAT is what a writer hopes to do. Whether a writer's work is loved is another issue that has more to do with the writer than the respondents.

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How does it not do that?. It makes me think about the world we live in, it's not just stuff put together for no reason, I wrote it for a reason, and that was to show the beauty of the world. Your more into sad, angry and modern poems, so I understand why you don't like it as much as other poems here.

And if I'm wrong, don't go mad posting ?R@P like I did before please.

I'm simply saying that you could have put alot more adjectives in to describe more about what you are seeing. Obviously you just ignored me saying that and skipped to the bit you could try and confront me about.

I'm not more 'into' sad, angry and modern poems, you can't say that because you know nothing about what poetry I like! I like all sorts, and I didn't say I don't like yours. It's a good poem, but it could be improved in a few tiny ways, which I attempted to say in my last post.

It's simple: If you post a poem you're likely to get feedback. If you can't take constructive feedback then you really shouldn't post it...

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It's simple: If you post a poem you're likely to get feedback. If you can't take constructive feedback then you really shouldn't post it...

I can take it, I just didn't like when you said that it doesn't give you something to think about.

I don't have to like your opinion.

It gave me something to think about.

Now let this arguement end. We both got our point across, no more fighting please.

:jester:

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You know something?

I could have said loads of things about stuff in the poem but it's your thoughts so I wouldn't do that. Just as well as you got so touchy about one minor constructive point.

It's really done my head in tonight as you tell me I only like sad angry or modern poems, you are so wrong. I like poetry with feeling, and many people on Songfacts have real true emotions to write down, and you don't respect that as I have seen by some of your replies in previous threads.

Apologies to those who read it before it's deleted!!

:rockon: :rockon: :rockon: :rockon:

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You know something?

I could have said loads of things about stuff in the poem but it's your thoughts so I wouldn't do that. Just as well as you got so touchy about one minor constructive point.

It's really done my head in tonight as you tell me I only like sad angry or modern poems, you are so wrong. I like poetry with feeling, and many people on Songfacts have real true emotions to write down, and you don't respect that as I have seen by some of your replies in previous threads.

Apologies to those who read it before it's deleted!!

:rockon: :rockon: :rockon: :rockon:

pancakes.gif
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