When the World Fell Down

[BandPatrol]

Hi there, not sure if this is ok for this forum but I'd like to ask you nice people what you think of a song of mine called 'When the World Fell Down'. Just click on the link below to hear it:

http://www.sims-solos.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/Chester/wtwfd.wma

hope you like it. Here are the lyrics:

It scares me here, Don?t scare me here

Don?t leave me here, to die

Underneath the sun, it had all begun in reason

Now the time has come for us all to stand aside

Chorus

When the world fell down,

I couldn?t hear you scream out

When the world fell down,

I didn?t think to listen

The voices all turned into to one,

the sounds they merged together

When the World fell down

On me

Verse

I don?t want to see, what you?d have me believe

That beautiful things never last

When it all began we would understand the reasons

Why we should look to the future not the past

Chorus

Bridge

So catch your breath and look inside

if you don?t know what to do

Use the powers that you still hide

They lie somewhere in you

(Somewhere in you)

Chorus

We're a band called chester and more music can be found on our website at www.chester-online.net

It'd be cool to get the opinions of people who have no prior experience of us.

Thanks guys,

Alex

[Addictedtoclassic]

It's a good song, although I didn't listen to it, just read the lyrics. I'm not quite sure about this part in the chorus though

The voices all turned into to one,

the sounds they merged together

Other than the extra "to" in there, it just doesn't sound right. The first line is all right, but the second line just doesn't seem to fit. Not sure why though, but when I read it, that line stands out. Otherwise it's a pretty good piece. I'm a little perplexed on the meaning as the first verse leans one way while the bridge seems to lean another.

[BandPatrol]

Thanks for having a look. Yeah that 'into to one' is a misprint. Do you think the sounds merging together doesn't fit because of meaning or simply because the words don't seem poetic? Have a listen to the song see if it makes any sense in there.

It's basically about digging deep when the world seems to be (or is literally) collapsing around you, you may seem scared at first but heros are so called not because they don't get scared but because they take action regardless of how scared they are.

Thanks again,

Al

[Addictedtoclassic]

It's definitely that the words don't sound as poetic. Especially the word "merged". Sounds to scientific then poetic.

[Danielj]

It makes more sense when you listen to the song. It's really good.

[BandPatrol]

Thanks for listening Danielj. I can see where ATC is coming from but yeah listen to the song see if it makes more sense like that. I used to use big words a lot in my songs, not scientific especially but things like incosequential, but it didn't really go with the kind of music we make. Best suited to agsty females such as Alanis Morrissette

Thanks for listening anyway.

Al

[Aunt_Acid]

I really like this, it's great. What instruments did you use in it? I hear a mellotron or a cello or something in there.

[Aisha]

I really liked your song. It is right down my alley.

[Earth-Angel]

I liked your voice and the song, Alex, but somehow the chorus isn't really distinguished from the rest of the verses. Like it merges too much from the bridge into the chorus. Maybe a little variation in the tone of your voice might help this. Otherwise, it sounds pretty good!

[Uncle Joe]

Great song Alex...and a great sound. I do agree with Earth Angel as to the chorus/verse. Perhaps a modulation is needed? Something slightly more dramatic than what you are doing. Otherwise, excellent.

Thank you for sharing it with us and good luck.