Karhul Posted February 8, 2005 Report Share Posted February 8, 2005 This is probably the first happy poem ever here at songfacts I love to see her smile She makes me feel happy I love giving her hugs She is a great friend Short, but sweet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addictedtoclassic Posted February 9, 2005 Report Share Posted February 9, 2005 Short and sweet yes, but almost too short. It sounds to me like something you would read in a Hallmark card. Although there's really nothing wrong with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mairi Posted February 9, 2005 Report Share Posted February 9, 2005 Constructive criticism? It's a bit cliched. Try spending more time on it and think over better ways to phrase the love you feel for the girl. You'll be a lot prouder of it if you spend lots of time working on it to get it perfect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karhul Posted February 10, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2005 Constructive criticism? It's a bit cliched. Try spending more time on it and think over better ways to phrase the love you feel for the girl. You'll be a lot prouder of it if you spend lots of time working on it to get it perfect. It was just something I thought of before I posted it. I'm going to try write some songs about myths and legends, and Isaac Newton Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marko90 Posted February 10, 2005 Report Share Posted February 10, 2005 As for this being the 'FIRST HAPPY SONG EVER HERE' thats wrong...there are many here...here are 2 of mine... LOVE IN YOU I lay here Pieces of me everywhere I lay in wait In wait of you You to love me Glancing at a far Hoping our eyes will meet I see your pain I feel your pain Do you know I exist? Or do you even care? I have placed love in you Only you shall find it For I belong to you There is nothing greater then you Love is what I longed for, Love is what I found in you, You are the only one I love! Verse 1] I've walked through the valley of the shadow of death I've felt the pain of losing everything I've been pushed towards the gun I've been down, I've been kicked, I've been hated {Chorus} All the pain I've felt, all the hate I've felt All the anguish I've felt campares nothing to the love I have when I hold you tight. <<>> [Verse 2] I hold you in my arms, and I float away, my pain is nothing, I am in my own world, my love for you overcomming all pain The only thing that is keeping me from falling apart is you love, your love is the glue to my heart... all my life people have been breaking me down, then you come along and nothing seems to hurt anymore {Chorus} All the pain I've felt, all the hate I've felt All the anguish I've felt campares nothing to the love I have when I hold you tight. <<>> [Verse 3] All the times people have hated me, all the times people have played me down, everytime I fall, I hit hard ground... now, I hit your love and bounce back to reality. {Chorus} All the pain I've felt, all the hate I've felt All the anguish I've felt campares nothing to the love I have when I hold you tight. this last one may seem grim...but it is telling the person how much I loved them... :guitar: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addictedtoclassic Posted February 10, 2005 Report Share Posted February 10, 2005 And yet he follows it up with his "all about love" signature! Read Mark's writing, it's always good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karhul Posted February 11, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2005 Them poems you wrote have a lot of sadness in them, your poem's have mixed feeling, not just one through the whole thing, like that 4 line one. I can write better though.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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