Dearest Daddy (I Miss You)

[CathyF]

There's a hole in my soul

Where your love used to be

I know you had to go

But it made my life misery

And should we ever meet again

I'll grin the biggest grin

You've ever seen

That's what you meant to me

But I wonder would it be the same

So much has happened; so much has changed

I'm not the same little girl you used to know

I'm so much older now, and so...

Would you still think of me as your own

Or would I be someone you wish you'd never known

I'm not so sweet and innocent any more

And how you'd react I'm not really sure

I blamed all my problems on the fact that you died

I couldn't talk to anyone; I just cried inside

I started hating myself and everyone

I couldn't accept that you were really gone

Then I found I could escape reality

I thought that using made me feel free

But it just turned out to be a trap

The sadness returned like a slap

Now I'm trying to find some peace

Believing that everything has a reason

Being thankful for all who are in my life

Being thankful for all you sacrificed

I'm trying to take one day at a time

Living in the moment, however sublime

Or insignificant it may seem

Life seems like a terrific dream

For you never know what's just around the bend

Or how things will turn out in the end

But I believe I'm headed the right way

I believe in the power of today

I can't change the past

Or make everything last

I can't control much on this earth

Not even my death or my birth

But I'm not so sure about fate or destiny

God gave us free will to use as we please

I'll take care of myself the best I can

And do my best to give to my fellow man

I believe that is what matters in the end

Did I learn how to love; how to be a friend

Did I enjoy my life here on this planet

Surely it can't be that hard, can it?

[Jenny]

Very touching, Cathy. If it's based on personal experience, then I hope that this poem helped your heart heal, and that you found the peace you were looking for.

Keep writing

[CathyF]

Thanks, Jenny. This poem is based on personal experience. I was eleven when I went outside to ride my bike, my Dad was sitting there drinking a beer and he said, "Don't go too far, supper's almost ready." I said okay and returned a few minutes later before the paramedics even got there but he was already gone (massive cardiac arrest). So I never really got to say goodbye but that doesn't make it any easier I found out a few years later when my older brother Steve had leukemia - I gave him some bone marrow but unfortunately he had complications/infection and suffered greatly his last few weeks. I am also still grieving the loss of my Mom who passed away a couple of weeks after 9/11 after a long bout with kidney failure. I've come to find that I don't do grief well but it sure helps to write about it. Thanks again.

[Earth-Angel]

Cathy, to turn such a great loss into something that others can enjoy and relate to is a wonderful gift you are passing on. Grief is something that you can't describe enough to let others know exactly how you feel, but the act of pouring your feelings out onto paper helps the process and leaves you a reminder of where you were at that very moment. I'm so sorry to hear you have suffered great loss, I lost my first family member 4 months ago and it's something I cannot deal with right now, so I have denied myself the right to grieve properly. I wish I had the courage to just let go like you have and tell everyone how I am feeling.

Thank you for your post, it has given me alot to think about.

Stay strong and keep writing,

Sue.