Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Sweet Jane 61

DESIRES

Recommended Posts

DESIRES

a want

a need

a hunger

appetites to feed

every second

every minute

every hour

time a culprit

the look

the touch

the kiss

craving so much

we yearn

we beckon

we desire

a fervor has begun

it's passionate

it's breathless

it's exhilarating

euphoria is limitless

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Excellent rhythm and flow, Jane. Very clever in construction, as well. Don't think you need the "a" before fervor, which busts the well thought out three word sequence in the last line of each stanza. I know that seems picky, but this piece deserves the attention. It is truly special.

Good to read you.

(also, if mine, I might add "time's a culprit") clever line, that one

Edited by Guest

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

^^ or "time, a culprit." Which I actually prefer (with the comma) :)

Well done. I like a piece that can be about anything in life. And this one speaks of art, of love, of gardens, of anything one is passionate about. I even thought about children in the first two stanzas.

Nice. :)

Edit: The entire thing could be about childhood, really. Or raising kids, which is what this makes me think of more than anything.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Shawna, but Kevin is right...it is about lust and desire. Basically a desire for someone over the years and finally meeting to quench the desire, if only for a brief time. We all have felt this way at one or more times in life. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...