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Sweet Jane 61


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a want

a need

a hunger

appetites to feed

every second

every minute

every hour

time a culprit

the look

the touch

the kiss

craving so much

we yearn

we beckon

we desire

a fervor has begun

it's passionate

it's breathless

it's exhilarating

euphoria is limitless

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Excellent rhythm and flow, Jane. Very clever in construction, as well. Don't think you need the "a" before fervor, which busts the well thought out three word sequence in the last line of each stanza. I know that seems picky, but this piece deserves the attention. It is truly special.

Good to read you.

(also, if mine, I might add "time's a culprit") clever line, that one

Edited by Guest

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^^ or "time, a culprit." Which I actually prefer (with the comma) :)

Well done. I like a piece that can be about anything in life. And this one speaks of art, of love, of gardens, of anything one is passionate about. I even thought about children in the first two stanzas.

Nice. :)

Edit: The entire thing could be about childhood, really. Or raising kids, which is what this makes me think of more than anything.

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