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Snake Breath

This Is Our Shelter

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I appreciate any feedback you guys have :)

The days I told you

Weren’t all so precious

You need to understand

Darling, for if we know

What you feel, it will not hurt

I hear noises too

The time I lent you

Wasn’t all for use

You need to understand

Dearest, for if we know

What you felt, it would not hurt

I hear noises too

The stories, ha, the stories

We had such an earnest time

Our modesty was blatant,

Our tone was calm

Listen to the ponds

The ways I taught you

Weren’t all proper

You need to understand

Follow me here

Darling, sing with the crows

They will not hurt you

Trust me here

This is our shelter

From the bombs we hear

The day I told you

Wasn’t all sincere

But now I am cleared

Let’s find this maze together

Darling, I hear them

I chant them too

This is not the end

Of our time, dear, our time

This is our shelter

From the bombs we hear

The cries I cry at

The tears you dream

This is our protection,

The days I told you

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I really quite like this. I'm in no frame of mind to leave specific comments, but if I get to that point at a future date, I'll definitely do so.

It's unique, and I love your writing style. Anyone who can say something in a unique sort of way has won the battle, and deserves to be recognized. Well done.

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Snake-Breath Tadpole;

There's a conflict you writ, I feel hit over the head with. What is it? I like this to a certain extent. You get close to sin then back off again. Otherwise, better written than never said (or is that the visa-versa)?

It's you who will put forth the words!

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