Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Fariha

Screams of the Soul

Recommended Posts

The mirror screams out at you

Looks you in those deep set eyes

And asks you how.

What were you supposed to do,

Those cruel heartless goodbyes

Are a part of you now.

She spins, she dances and she cries,

Because she knows those weren’t lies

She finds herself cloaked in gray

She denies that her mind’s gone astray.

What more could you have hoped to find,

When the world has left you behind?

Irreparable damage,

Unapproachable bends,

Overwhelming baggage,

Too much to make amends.

Someday her mind will set her free,

She’ll learn to herself be true.

Maybe then they’ll have to agree,

There wasn’t much she was left to do

Please let me know what you guys think of it and how I can improve it. Thanx!

Edited by Guest

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's interesting Fariha. I'm reading it as two different "someones" the "you" as the physical individual, the "she" as the image in the mirror.

I'm especially fond of this line ...

"She denies that her mind’s gone astray." I like the idea of a mind just gone astray. Not crazy, just astray.

Now I am no poet, and know nothing about the writing of poetry, but I do enjoy reading it, and I think with a little rework this could be very good.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

and know nothing about the writing of poetry,

Ha! You do too. What (to me) is most important is not the style of the writing (whether it's haiku or whatever else), but the cadence (as S2V has taught me) and the use of words in a unique way to make the message.

One of the things that S2V taught me is to use handclaps to set the cadence, and when you do that you can really tell when it needs reworking to flow smoothly.

Just thought I'd pass on an excellent tip. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...