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Signed with regrets. (can't remember if I've submited this before)


Blue Fish

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Signed with Regrets

Ripped out still beating

fluttering in a panic

where are you now my love where?

My heaven, my hell, my love.

So long we looked at each other, looked and barely talked

the snatched squeezes

and closeness of cuddles

ripped out my heart still beating

You turned and walked away from me

never once looked behind

i stood on the hill and looked at you

my eyes drowning my vision

Turning away the cascaded came

flowing down my cheeks

unspoken pain and longing for you

My love my love one glance

all i need is one look

a backward glance of longing

one glance from you to feel my pain

to share in this one thing I feel

I didn't mean to fall in love

not with you just yet

I thought I belonged to someone else

oh My love how can i tell you?

If I could call you love i would

to explain this situation

I'm sorry I loved you I really did

but i wasn't getting all of you.

I can't share you with cageyness

I can't share you with mis-trust

I don't want that it can't work

you and me, or me and him.

I've made my choice through my heart

i love him so much it hurts

You seem to have forgotten me

And so, my love, it ends right here with regrets.

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This is such an improvement upon your other recent offerings, showing glimpses of your poetic capabilities.

The first four verses work very well: the use of language is genuinely poetic, with rhythm, structure, imagery, metaphor, alliteration, etc. After that it does tail off a bit into simple heartfelt commentary.

Naturally, I have at least one gripe:

"I can't share you with cageyness"
I understand what you're trying to say, but I find it rather grating; only because "cageyness" is such an ugly, unpoetic word- there must be a superior synonym with which you could replace it?
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Udo, the point of the poem is that the person doesn't want to end the realsionship....they are doing so regretfully and sorrowfully...They are letting the other person know that it's a regretful desicion....

No, I totally understand that.

But, from reading the poem, it seems that the protagonist really doesn't have much choice in the ending of the relationship, but may not quite understand that. The other person seems to have already moved on.

Also, the several poems I've read by you tend to be from this same point of view. I was wanting to see if you'd put yourself in the other person's shoes and write their story. Take it as a challenge. :)

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