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TheLizard

Aftermath

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You’re not the first person to ask me if I remember how I died. It is a bit fuzzy, but some things are coming back. I know I’m younger than most of the people here, so I’m probably not supposed to be here yet, but here I am. Funny how these things work.

I remember a flash. And then darkness. And then light. And then darkness again. And then a voice. Next thing I knew, here I was. Completely naked, just like everyone else, of course. But it took me by surprise at the time.

What did the voice say? Let me think. Oh yes, it said, “Already?â€

I just remembered something. I was working at the time I died. I distinctly remember that. I was doing a job. It seemed so important at the time. I hope it was important enough to die for. I suppose it doesn’t matter if it was. Important, unimportant, I’m dead. Dead as a doornail.

I loved my family, my job, my country. I remember that too. I loved them more than anything. I don’t know how I know that. I feel like I loved something else. Something that I was supposed to see at this point. Oh well, not important.

What does that mean? I don’t know. But I guess it’s a little disappointing. No, wait, I’m over it.

I think I expected something more at this point because of something my parents told me. They’re still alive. Funny how things these things work.

I wonder how they’re doing right now. I’m hope they’re proud of me. Do you think they’re proud of me? You do? Well, thanks.

What were your parents like? Oh, you don’t remember them either. Does everybody forget?

I don’t want to forget . I’m afraid of forgetting. It’s already happening. This is scary. I’m too young to forget. I guess I’m not. I guess I’m just dead. Just like everybody else.

I was dead as soon as I was born. We all were. Everyone that I worked with. Everyone that I knew. How do I know that? I can feel it. I may not think as well as I used to – you know, when I was alive - but dammit, I can still feel. In fact, I can feel better than I could when I was alive.

Things are fading quicker now. Why must things fade? I want to remember. Oh well.

Hello. I’m dead. So are you. So is he. I suppose it is time to be born again. And then we can die. See you later.

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Yes, the "I hope it was important enough to die for" speaks volumes in that one line. Maybe you could throw in a little imagery about what you might have been doing when you died.

It's seems a little... almost whimsical to me at the very beginning, then it gets a little heavier, then it gets downright negative with the talk about how we're dead when we're born. Lots of emotion here.

Well written overall. You might try to use the word "I" a bit less, find other ways of replacing that word. This is a lesson I've learned during my once-a-month writer's workshops. Take out the "you" and the "I" and the "they" and try to replace them with something that evokes more imagery. I hope I explained that right... :crazy:

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The soldier's story is just one interpretation, which works perfectly well. This bit of flash fiction went through at least four edits, each to make it more vague. I wanted the meaning to be fluid.

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And what do you mean by "I was dead as soon as I was born"?

it's a common metaphor, isn't it?

like in:

"today is the first day of the rest of your life"

or

"I just want to play on my pan-pipes

I just want to drink me some wine

As soon as you're born you start dying

So you might as well have a good time"

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