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NO '24' THIS SEASON!!


Sweet Jane 61

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As the writers strike entered its third day Wednesday with no end in sight, Fox said it would not air "24" this season.

The seventh season of the hit real-time series was scheduled to begin in January, but producers had completed only about one-third of its 24-episode order as of last week.

"24" started production late, and was affected by the recent wildfires. The show's star, Kiefer Sutherland, is also scheduled to do a stint in jail later this year in connection with a drunk-driving conviction.

The high-profile new drama "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles," originally slated to run in tandem with "24," will now premiere on Sunday, Jan. 13, and will air in "24's" Monday 9 p.m. slot, following "Prison Break" and the reality series "When Women Ruled the World."

"Women," about educated and independent women ruling over a group of unsuspecting men, is one of two reality series Fox is planning to launch midseason, along with "The Moment of Truth," a show featuring people being administered a lie detector test to be hosted by Mark L. Walberg.

With "House" running out of original episodes, "Hell's Kitchen" will land the plum post-"American Idol" Tuesday 9 p.m. slot beginning April 1.

Fox's midseason schedule also includes new scripted series "The Return of Jezebel James," "Unhitched," "New Amsterdam" and "Canterbury's Law."

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Here, I’ll write the damn show:

Nameless President: “You’ve been pardoned. Yet again.â€

Jack: “I just want my life back.â€

Cue premature walk into sunset.

Cue massive explosion.

Chloe: “Jack, we need you. And we need to talk about me being unappreciated.â€

Jack: “There’s no time!â€

Terrorist of unspoken origin, even though we all know where he’s from: “Release this dude or I’ll kill everyone in Alabama. In 22 hours.â€

Jack: “There’s no time!â€

Chloe: “Gah, don’t blame me.â€

Bill: “I must update the president.â€

Nameless agent: “My team will be ready in 30 minutes.â€

Jack: “There’s no time!â€

Cue helicopter/jet/car/foot/nondescript van chase and subsequent questioning of near-dead nameless terrorist. Cue Jack storing recovered flash drive in his anti-terrorist man-purse.

Chloe: “Jack, the flash drive is damaged but I can read it. Gah.â€

President: “We’re going to attack Guyana in 30 minutes.â€

Bill: “Give Jack more time.â€

Jack, pausing: “I got nothin’.â€

Cue Jack questioning old friend/current enemy. Cue Jack heart-punching said frienemy’s wife until he talks. Cue remorse from Jack.

Cue Ambassador from Guyana pleading for more time. Cue President’s internal conflict.

Cue reveal of Rip Taylor and Bob Eubanks as rich white dudes pulling the strings of the whole thing.

Jack: “Chloe, I need the plans to unnamed abandoned building.â€

Chloe: “Gah. Keep your pants on.â€

Cue Jack detonating bomb inside his own mouth, thereby simultaneously saving citizens of Guyana and Alabama.

Cue nobody thanking Jack while he’s led away in handcuffs. Cue militant group from unnamed Asian country blowing up van holding Jack, killing everyone on board except Jack. Fadeout as a hooded Jack is led away to a plane, while his cellphone rings with a call from Kim, who is having a really bad day.

Tick tock, etc., etc.

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