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johnnyguitar

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Posts posted by johnnyguitar

  1. I spent a (fantastic!) week in San Marco Island, Florida, once...the only drag was hearing total MOR rock blaring out of the radio the whole time...you would think that Styx, REO, Free, Stones and Frampton were the only music they had ever heard!

    It was both 'cool' and totally 'shite' at the same time....it gave me a great memory of the holiday, but I didn't half want to rush into the bar and shout 'This is all old bollocks....listen to something new'!

    :)

    Jx

  2. Indeed . . . but shouldn't it be the guitarist doing the porking?

    I just got a taste for bar-b-que . . . guess I'll fire up the grill.

    I like to think that the act of love should be a mutual endeavour and a sharing of pleasure....but, I take your point (as the singer said to the guitarist)!

    :)

  3. If, as they say, "fortune favours the brave", I can only imagine you must be the most lily-livered streak of p!ss in town.

    Sounds like any plans you may have had for the weekend are well and truly scuppered, anyway.

    Everything fixed now...so yah boo sucks to you, fishface.

    Your attempts to charm me are useless. Unless you return to the gratuitously offensive oaf that I have grown to know and hate I will not dignify your post with a reply.

    My weekend plans are extensive and promise much in the way of good company, laughter and love.

    What you got planned?

    ;)

  4. wow, that´s really a problem... :P

    What are going to do? Do you have a chimney at least?

    We've only been out of hot water since yesterday morning and we're already smelling ripe...teenage boys need regular hosing down. The freezer going has meant chucking away loads of food...boys need feeding too! We do have a real fire (with a chimney) but that doesn't solve our problem...and then, to 'cap it all' one of my front tooth crowns just fell out...I think I might have been grinding my teeth!

    ;)

  5. Courtesy of an old friend....who doesn't like me any more :( ...but it's a good joke. Cornwall, for the benefit of our non-UK readers, is a bit like Hillbilly country in the US (a bit).

    Cornish Girl

    Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties to perform.

    Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his new wife to do all the dishes and house cleaning in the house.

    He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and all the dishes were cleaned and put away.

    James had married a woman from Australia and he bragged that he had given his new wife orders to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.

    He told them the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better and by the third day his house was clean, the dishes done and there was a huge meal on the table.

    The third man said the he had married a Cornish girl. He boasted that the duties he had ordered her to do were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table every day.

    He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a landscaper.........

    ;)

  6. I saw them twice in the 70's...superb live band. There's loads of stuff out there if you go looking...not everything is necessarily on SF. Go search for yourself and bring it back.

    And, while you're at it...look up 'Caravan' at the same time. :)

    jx

  7. A man wakes up in hospital,bandaged from head to foot.

    The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.

    Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway!'

    'You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'

    Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on, 'You've got £9000 compensation coming to you and we h ave the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the

    thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch.'

    The bloke perks up at this.

    'So the thing is' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine incher she

    might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before and you decide only to invest in a fiveincher this time she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.'

    So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day.

    'So' says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your wife?'

    'I have.' says the fellow.

    'And has she helped you in making the decision?'

    'She has' says the bloke.

    'And what is it?' asks the doctor. . .

    'We're having a new kitchen.

    :blush:

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