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'Never trust a hippie' - John Lydon 'Never trust a man in a suit' - Neil (hippie)

Or alternatively (but with a serious side, as are most of Mr Dury's compositions): Poo Poo in the Prawn: I took a sudden notion To go down to the ocean I'd got my sun-tan lotion My flippers and my mask In proper distribution Of fully-formed ablutions Formed an ocean of pollution In which I daredn't bask Some turds were teeny-tiny And some were big and shiny But they all fucked up the briney In which I dipped my toe If you go swimming in the shite-us You'll get worse than dermititis From the sea of grey detritus Where the sewage ebbs and flows There's no respite From the cess-pit No shelter from the pong The poor old ocean Is full of motions Where the hell did we go wrong? Like a lamb off to the slaughter Pored myself a glass of water I failed to spot I'd caught a Little creature in my cup I was well and truly bolleaux-ed From the fires of hell that followed Twas the cup of life I'd swallowed And it almost did me up Something coming Through the plumbing That should not be there at all The glass is brimming And things are swimming And quite frankly, I'm appalled I was a very hungry fella I defrosted my paella Came down with Salmonella Three weeks intensive care They failed to send technicians in To check the air-conditioning Which was unfortunately transmissioning A case of Legionnaires There's a malaise In the mayonnaise There's a poo-poo in the prawn Where we missed them In the system Little germs are being born There's no respite From the cess-pit There's no shelter from the pong Where the hell did we go wrong?

Or alternatively, by the Goodies: Come on everybody It's gibbon time We're the Goodies How do you do? We've just been down to the zoo We saw a monkey in a cage Doing a dance That could be the rage It's not hard So let's all do the funky gibbon Ooo, ooo, ooo Do, do, do the funky gibbon (The funky gibbon) We are here to show you how Ooo, ooo, ooo Ooo, ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon He's just like you So come on and do The funky gibbon now Dogs are always howlin' Cats are always yowlin' But gibbons only Like to sing and dance Oop, oop, sh boop You'll be like that monkey Get a little funky And in a while Start to smile Gibbon half a chance Do, do, do the funky gibbon (The funky gibbon) We are here to show you how Ooo, ooo, ooo Ooo, ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon (The funky gibbon) He's just like you So come on and do The funky gibbon now Ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon Ooo, ooo, ooo the funky gibbon Gee, the world would be good I ?? Me, with just a little gibbon tea Sha, la, la We slap that gibbon Oh, feel the rhythm And you'll groove And dance up to the planet of apes Do, do, do the funky gibbon We are here to show you how Ooo, ooo, ooo Ooo, ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon (The funky gibbon) He's just like you So come on and do The funky gibbon now Ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon Ooo, ooo, ooo the funky gibbon Ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon Ooo, ooo, ooo the funky gibbon Now everybody get ready To do the funky gibbon Drop one arms down by your knees And the other arm Reach up to the trees Let your wrist go limp Like a bent baboon Get ready to sing This gibbon's tune Will you give me an ooo (Ooo) Will you give me another ooo (Ooo) And will you give me an ooo (Ooo) Now put 'em together What've you got (Ooo, ooo, ooo) Do, do, do the funky gibbon We are here to show you how Ooo, ooo, ooo Ooo, ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon (The funky gibbon) He's just like you So come on and do The funky gibbon now Ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon Ooo, ooo, ooo the funky gibbon Ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon Ooo, ooo, ooo the funky gibbon He promised to buy me A bunch of blue gibbons To tie up my bonny brown Ooo, ooo, the funky gibbon The funky gibbon

BF, I know what you mean. I drive late at night quite a lot, and his eclectic blend of good stuff and shite used to keep me going. More voiceover work for Tom Baker though...

What are you saying about or glorious school system, envy of the world and producer of some of the finest brains this planet has ever known? Now, pass me that paddle and butt plug, boy!

Have you considered the moral aspect to Freemasonry? Is it right in a so called free society to seek advancement by 'backscratching', irrespective of the personal merits and morals of the owner of the back? Also, consider that it may lead to you being obliged to turn a blind eye to things illegal...

You never see KD Lang and Sean Penn in the same room... Any votes for Cybil Shepherd, all you lovers of the mature form?

I once crushed a velvet sofa...

I was thinking about Nadia, the buxom big sister... mmmm, Nadia (in my best Homer Simpson)

Joe, you too have wonderful taste in women. Mark, have you seen the elder sister? If you like your ladies with personality and cuddle-muscle she is an exceptional piece of well-plumped skirt....

I still have a crush on Helen Mirren - and she's probably collecting her bus-pass as we speak...

To assist, angels dance on pinheads to Prefab Sprout...

'Holidays In The Sun' - Sex Pistols 'Bad Boy' - Addicts

'Doohan the Do' (ask an Aussie - lol!)

Are the Chemical Brothers the new Hawkwind? Do people really pay their Council Tax to allow BF to spend so much worktime at his pc?

Das, If I had a clue what I was talking about, I probably would.. lol It is true indeed that history is written by the victors. I wonder what a book written from the perspective of the whupped would be like? Would it even be recognisable despite it being equally truthful? My take on the American War of Independence is pretty accurate though, I reckon. Won't make me many friends though... lol

Batman, to assist you in this potted history: Before what was probably more accurately described as a minor civil war in a small portion of what is now known as the USA, certain parts of the continent were under the very loose rule of a mad German named George, who knew nothing of and cared even less about the colonies. He was far more interested in eating pies and India. As an aside, it is a fair bet that if guns hadn't have been invented, the Europeans would still have usurped the native Americans, just slower via smallpox, alcohol and Europop...

Gisela, even though you and I come from opposite sides of the wire as such, I do think that we could make a wonderful contribution to world peace... alright, a small one... ok, not much of one at all but it'd be fun to try... We do seem to be alone here in thinking that a little understanding of persons other than the US/Israel faction in the middle east could go a long way to solving current problems. I don't mean that in an arrogant way either, just as an observation from one who holds an unfasionable point of view...

The tone of this thread is getting increasingly hard to swallow...

Is that because a plomb bomb is for the easily lead?

It is like a lert if the lert is tied to a piece of string...

You choose to miss my point with aplomb and I think aplomb should always be applauded!

Aye, it was rumoured that the blond, handsome Mr Chapman got carried away and she fell on the bedside table... Sad really - he seemed a decent bloke, plus those goal celebrations were stuff of legend... You are correct - wrong Ash. Leslie is indeed the pouting one...

As in 'down the back alley with Phil Daniels...' Debbie Ash?

My second one... hmmmm... I know - In To The Valley - Skids