Mairi

You went?! *Is insanely jealous* Argh! I so wanted to go! I saw the highlights from it on Kerrang and it looked awesome.

Thanks Uncle Joe, but he doesn't want to know me.

Stalker And I watch these same faces everyday I know every thought I know every breath I know every crevice of their skin And I?m just a mere observer: silenced; still Not a participant in this so-called life and ?deep conversation? Because I wouldn?t know what it?s like for you to live In desolate times and understanding silences And it?s only me to judge In the back corner of my mind What choices to make for you when I see fit But you wouldn?t hear me anyway And in that split second when I break the barrier Between consciousness and dystopia You see me in my true face Not just the mask I have indented And it?s so much better not to be noticed Than to be standing in front of you: observed And in one rapturing moment you capture my true appearance As I?ve been doing to you for eternity And I watch these same faces everyday I know every thought I know every breath I know every crevice of their skin And you look on at them with me Comments please.

Om my giddy aunt Elvish, he's gorgeous! You should be very proud!

That was very beautiful, i hope you show her the songs/poems you write about her.

Green Day! For 2000 onwards, maybe choose "i-generation" by MC Lars, not really my thing but my friends like it and it describes 2000 very well. And it's a play on Th Who's "My Generation",so that could be a good contrast.

Mairi (pronounced Maa ree), it's gaelic for Mary. My nickname is Mars, has been since.....before i can remember.

WOW! The baby! Congratulations Elvy, I know you're gonna be a great mum, just make sure the boy listens to great music too!

That was in this month's Q magazine.

Good Riddance-Green Day Simple to play and very good as a sing-a-long song.

I am a massive Green Day fan and they were most definitely heavily influenced by The Ramones, they are on the "We're a Happy Family" tribute album and play many songs by them at gigs, etc. The Offspring are also on this album and so are Rancid. I have a friend who is a massive Rancid fan and he has informed me that Rancid were heavily influenced by The Clash.

I heard about that months ago, i should really have posted it but i don't think many people on here like Green Day. I, on the other hand, love them. I WILL get a part in that film. I WILL.

You have to show her it, it was beautiful.

This is kind of auto-biographial, basically a release for all the s*** bottled up in me right now. Kind of creative but not really. I'll stop boring you now and let you read it. For you, I realised today, for the first time in my entire life, that there is not enough love in the world. I was sitting in my non-existence, in my usual forgotten dream when I was cruel brought down from my fairytale. I?ve been living in a lie. In extreme naivety. I thought of you. But then again, when am I not thinking about you? I thought of you and my only wish: the wish that you could be happy. I?ve noticed the lines form in your face from holding back the tears and the utter resentment when looking at me. I never thought it would get as far as resentment, I always presumed that compassion for a fellow human being would be left when all else fails. I suppose now I know. I always thought I was one of the intellectuals; the thinking type. But this?this, I don?t really know any adjectives or nouns that are suitable. But this?love. It seems to have deluded me into thinking I can be a better person. But there?s not enough love. All those times I?ve thought, whispered secretly at night when I?ve done the unmentionable, ?Maybe if I changed this??; ?Maybe if she wasn?t in the way??; ?Maybe if I was a nicer person??;?Maybe if I was different??. I lived in a world of ?maybe if? ?s. and those re-occurring memories of ?helpful? friends and acquaintances. The compliments not gained but pleaded for, the reassurances from those not even sure themselves. Them telling me that I?m better than all this. Even you telling me I?m better than this. Nothing seems to sink in because too much love is surrounding me. Not surrounding, being given off freely and not returned. In some ways I wish I could start over and not be so open to hurt. For every time you gave me the time of day or one of those smiles, scars appeared because for you they mean nothing. Nothingness and emptiness are all I lived for. All I wanted to die for. The never-ending cycle of you falling out with her and getting back together tore me and my ability to have relationships, romantic or not, with others apart. It soon ended up that my lack of being there for people at home affected my family life; the one thing I thought I could fall back on. I suppose it?s not all my fault. I suppose we?re not really broken anyway. The only thing that stops us becoming a completely broken home is our united lack of effort to fix it. And my friends??my? friends. It is laughable to even think they?re mine more than yours. You are the one they idolise and I?m the one they sympathise with. Loneliness comes in the package deal with heartache, I suppose. So I wandered aimlessly, after contemplating all this in my state of non-existence. I refuse to reminisce again about the time you told me that you used to like me. Used to. It?s too painful for me to think about because I ruined everything, as always. The confessions I?ve made in letters I never sent are still true. I still do cry myself to sleep every night. I still do feel a constant pain in my heart. I still do hate you. But I?m ok, I?m dealing with it. What else can I do in a world where there?s not enough love? Not enough to make you love me back. Just the slightest amount to make me dizzy with infatuation and sick with heartache. Not enough or me to even like myself slightly. Enough to make me love you unconditionally. Enough for me not to care if your whole body was disfigured because I know you. I know every good thing about you and I know that if my willingness to bring out those aspects persevered you wouldn?t feel self-conscious. But not know you have a trail of people telling you how much they adore you. It?s not the right time for me to really talk to you. Maybe there will never be any time for me to do that. My self-doubt stops me from telling you, face-to-face, how I feel. Because I know I wouldn?t want the response. So, with this thought in my mind, I wandered further than I?d ever been before. I paused outside your house, peered up from a distance at your window. I thought I saw you but it could have been a misleading shadow. I walked on, without a tear in my eye for once. I walked as far as I thought I could. Hands shaking, I wrote the last part of this note. The part where I?m sorry and stuff. Only, I?m not really sorry. I?m only sorry for the fact that there?s not enough love in this world. Maybe in the after-life, if I believe in that, there will be. So as I take my last breath and more importantly, think of you for the last time, know this: I love you. With love always From me. Comments please.

Im not religious in the slightest but i feel very sorry for him and hope he's at peace now.

Thanks Marko and Foxy.

Thanks, would you mind commenting on it properly then?

As true as that is, E-A, sometimes it's hard to let go, especially when the other person always allows there to be a glimmer of hope.

Sincerity I look around and stand on my own feeble feet Glancing at the nobodies who surround me I raise my glass and with one loud proclamation; ?Here?s to a lifetime of lies and deception? Applause and we all swirl the envy-green liquid into our mouths The taste of impurities fresh on our tongues We talk of bitterness and the less fortunate We laugh but only at the expense of others We speak but it?s only to degrade each other We think but it?s only intense jealous thoughts I suppose sincerity is too hard to grasp nowadays Please comment.

Wait 'til Karhul sees this....A HAPPY SONG! He'll explode. I thought it was very good, cheerful and I'm glad you and your girliepal are back together again.

I've had that song in my head ever since i heard it on Comic Relief. It's annoying everyone because i phyisically cannot stop singing it. gah!

Iris-Goo Goo Dolls And I'd give up forever to touch you Cause I know that you feel me somehow You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be And I don't want to go home right now And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life Cause sooner or later it's over I just don't want to miss you tonight And I don't want the world to see me Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming Or the moment of truth in your lies When everything feels like the movies Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive And I don't want the world to see me Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am I don't want the world to see me Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am It describes the way i feel and I'm feeling how you're feeling right now. That made no sense but whatever.

Rancid-Fall Back Down Might not be everybody's cup of tea but the lyrics are good.

My childhood, teenage years and most probably the future-People Hate Me-Murderdolls And i'm not just joking

This is a thing I write...few minutes ago. Poetic way of describing my feelings today. Circle I want to circle you. Every part of me somewhere close to you. Close enough to touch but I don?t; through fear of smudging the perfection. I want to lay black flowers at your feet and watch you bless them by holding them in your hands for merely one moment. I want to protect you from everyone who tries through jealousy and white hatred to harm you. I want to clean you wounds when they pierce through my barrier. I want to wipe your tears but not make you weep because of the burden of my unrequainted love. I want to hold your hand and for you to squeeze mine lovingly for just one moment. I want to see that look you gave me, last class on a Spring Wednesday. Your eyes pools of green-turquoise. The pupils large and dilated. The blackness reflecting me; your face reflecting my expression. And those simple words. Not the everyday black and white movie words whose meaning was lost eons ago and no intensity is left upon them. Much simpler words. A ?hello? and my name. It could have been written and I would have taken no notice. But the swirling patterns of your kaleidoscoping eyes made me sing, ?I?m here?. I think for one tiny imperfectly pristine moment you understood me. You saw how much I need you. My battle wounds against love reopened and on display purely for you to see. To see the beauty in my hurt; the pretty little lines not just written down but now shown without mercy or prejudice. And you see. You look on and understand the one thing you never could. Your eyes say reassuringly ?it?s ok, you?re going to be alright?. And I smile. For once a real smile breaks upon my face, the smile I had forgotten when my heart turned to coal. Just a fuel for my anger, I suppose. But the smile?it was like a rebirth. No longer the pessimistic alone pseudo-human. A real person; me again. I fumble for the right words and say them, perhaps slightly disjointedly, ?hello?. I want to circle you. But perhaps I?m reading too much into this. Comments please.