lostxinxyou17

I'm sittin at school right now this is about the only time that i get to post on here cause i'm so busy lately with work, school, projects, and finals coming up next week. It sucks.

i love their music... my favorite songs though would have to be fantasy, the kill, and attack... i have some friends that just bought tickets to go see them in concert... i was supposed to go but i cant... sucks

Simon and Garfunkel- Scarborough fair canticle?? "I won't suffer, be broken, get tired, or wasted Surrender to nothing, or give up what I Started and stop it, from end to beginning A new day is coming, and I am finally free"

Sorry about everything guys... i'm just really stressed out and i don't know who it was... but they pressed my buttons and pi**ed me off. Edna, i'm sorry i pinned it on you that's who i thought it was. All i can say is sorry.. by the way.. paul is fine and so am i

Ok, ever since paul left and every time i try to post something about him or how i feel while he's gone. I get a private comment or message or whatever you call it on here from earth-angel saying she's had lots of complaints about my posts. I'm solving the problem. I'm not posting on here anymore. Seems like i'm pissing everyone off so if you guy want to know about paul... g-luck.

sorry to hear about that.... i know that people hve it alot worse than i do in the world... and i think about that everytime i try to say something to someone about how i feel. Anyways, i'm gonna stop posting on here... seems like everyone is getting sick of me i've had earth-angel tell me in a pricate message that she's had alot of complaints about my posts. So i'm just not gonna post anymore

I don't want it to seem like i'm not supporting him because i am... and i am VERY proud of him for doing this. I'm just having a hard time coping with him being gone. I'm used to seeing him and talking to him EVERYDAY and then all the sudden... NOTHING. It's just hard. I'm sure you guys say you understand and that you've gone through the same things, guys, don't take this the wrong way but, i don't think you know how bad i'm hurting. And i know that he's hurting too. I just think that im taking this harder than he is.

Well paul called me around 6 ish and only had two minutes to talk. He said that morrow he had an appointment with a military doctor about his asthma. I asked him if he was gonna get sent home and he said that he didn't know. They don't just set up appointments for military doctors for nothing. Anywho, i think that he either had another asthma attack, or when they were asking him questions they asked when the last time he was hospitalized and he would have had to say Monday (the day before they left) and the next question would more than likely be for what reason... asthma. Who knows. I hope that he does get to come home though... i miss him so much... it's really hard not to cry. I'll be fine for a few hours and then i'll just sit there and they'll just start pouring out of my eyes. I can't control it anymore. I feel depressed and everything. His recreuiter said that the day he left would be the worst and the next would be better and then next even more better. Well it's been the opposite for me. It was bad the day he left, and the second day was worse, and today has been horrible. I actually had a suicidal thought earlier... i know it sounds REALLY stupid.... but i did... i didn't try anything so don't think that i'm a freak... but a thought did pop into my mind. I don't know what to do. I miss him so much it's driving me insane... literally.

Well, i talked to him last night around 6. He told me to call him when i got to his house because i was on my way over there to get his cell phone charger and some other things of his. Anyways, i called the hotel when i got there and we talked for like an hour and 45 minutes. He has free long distance and everything so yea. Anyways, he's there wether i like it or not for 4 months. I can't help but to cry over the smallest and stupidest things. I dont' want to cry, it just comes out. I can't stop it. Anyways, he's fine... i called him back later on when i got home and he was crying because he missed everything and everyone here. He's doing fine though. I woke up at 4 this morning because that's when they were leaving the hotel to go to MEPS and everything. I didn't get to talk to him very long because he had to go eat breakfast and everything. Anyways, i love you guys and if you want me to tell him anything just post it on here and i'll be sure to get everything to him. love you guys and i really need you guys right now......

thanks guys

Well earlier today paul and i talked to his recruiter earlier this morning and paul basically said that he didn't want to go to Missouri and have a bad asthma attack there. If anything happens to him though, they send him home and if anything happens to me, or his family members then he also gets sent home. Anywho, we got there and his recruiter got into his head and made him change his mind about going and everything. Paul took me outside into the hall and said that it was good if he went... and in a way it is because we will have money for our own place when he gets back. Anyways, i was bawling my eyes out because i didn't want him to leave me like any normal fiance wouldn't want their soon to be hubby leave them for 4 almost 5 months RIGHT after getting engaged. Anyways, that's that. He's gone. His mom and dad are really supportive of me though. They took me out to eat and everything to make me feel better. They knew that it was REALLY hard for me to watch him leave me. Well, all i can say is that it's only been like an hour and a half and i'm already going insane! It's gonna be really hard for me and i just hope that you guys will be here for me like you would be here for paul. When he writes me i will let you guys know how he is doing and everything. Until then, love you guys and please keep Paul, me, and paul's family in your prayers.

thanks :happybanana: :happybanana:

aweomse.... i'm so happy... i went to sleep with the biggest smile on my face

I'm sure paul has already posted all over this place about our engagement!! But i'm sure he didn't tell you guys EXACTLY how it happend...... Last night i was feeling like crap. Paul walks into my room and tells me that i needed to go outside and get some fresh air because i'd been in bed all day. He told me that there was something in his car and for those of you who don't know... i LOVE frogs and baby HIPPOS. Anywho, i open his car door and there are 3 frogs sitting there and all of them say i love you in some way wether they are holding little hearts of they have it written on their tummys or whatever. I was freaking out because they were so cute and in one of the frog's lap was the ring case... i turned around to give him a hug and he is already on one knee. He says "I think i already know the answer, but will you marry me?" and i cried... yes, but i didn't bawl my eyes out. I was kind of expecting it but not really. I couldn't of asked for a better way. It was different and REALLY sweet. I loved it... i love him. So there it is.... February 5, 2006 9:39 p.m. Brittany and Paul always and forever

I want to put in prayers for paul...when he leaves for basic and during basic not to let him be discouraged by everything going on there and worrying about me here.. at home. Also, that nothing happens when to nanni when i'm taking care of her over the weekend that paul is gone. Also, that mine and paul's life together is very prosperoud